Writing from Unreality House, a hyperfiction project created and edited by Jay Gabler.

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People Get Off On Watching People Make Out Who Don’t Want to Make Out

Understanding this fundamental truth about human sexuality explains a lot about what people get off on.

Exhibit A: Spin-the-bottle. Why do people willingly play spin-the-bottle? Your chances of hitting the jackpot with the person you actually want to make out with are slim, and even if you get lucky, you know that sharing an awkward public kiss is more likely to hurt your chances with your crush than help them. And if you’re not lucky? Yikes. But no matter who you have/get to kiss, you’re absolutely guaranteed lots of opportunities to watch other people make out, most of them couples who have no desire to make out with each other. And don’t lie—you’re kind of into that.

Exhibit B: Guys who are into watching girls make out with each other. Why are guys into watching girls make out with each other? Wouldn’t that suggest that they’d prefer to just stick with each other rather than be stuck by you? Well, it would…if you thought they were actually into each other. But if they do it—or you can convince yourself they’re doing it—because they’re trying to impress you, that’s hot.

Exhibit C: Porn. The conventional theory about porn is that you get off by identifying with a character who resembles you, but way hotter. You imagine yourself being hotter, with a hot partner, and you splooge. But here’s my theory as to what goes on in most people’s minds: you know they’re not actually into it, and you convince yourself that one or both (or whatever) of them would rather be with you. Obviously. They’re so not into it, and that’s totally hot.

- Tanner Fitzgerald

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