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Writing from Unreality House, a hyperfiction project created and edited by Jay Gabler.

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Ten Things You Can Write About Besides Sex and Still Get Clicks

1. Cats. The Internet cannot get enough cats.

2. Anti-sexism, anti-racism. People like to stand up for what they believe in…

3. Sexism, racism. …because there are still a lot of sexists and racists out there.

4. Facebook. Seriously, put “Facebook” in the headline of whatever else you were going to write about and watch people clickclickclick like motherfuckers. People love Facebook, they hate Facebook, and they love to hate Facebook. IDK.

5. TV. The Internet isn’t killing TV—the Internet is TV’s biggest fan! I almost don’t know how people even enjoyed TV without blogs about it to comment snarkily on.

6. College. Everyone loves college. I’ll bet that if you took a poll asking people what the best time of their life was, “college” would win infinity to nothing. And no one knows that better than the people who are in college, who are all insecure about whether they’re doing everything they can to squeeze every last drop of life experience out of their college years. Say something—anything—about college, and they’ll jump on it like a prominent actor on a doe-eyed au pair.

7. Weddings. If you’re not already engaged, don’t ever go in Pinterest because it will terrify the crap out of you.

8. Cities. What city is best? My city rules! Your city sucks! Represent. Whatever…gimme your clicks and go back to Cleveland.

9. Music festivals. People who are going: “Woo! We’re going! We’re there! We were there!” People who aren’t going: “I hate you! Now tell me what I’m missing, so I can hate myself.”

10. Drugs. No explanation necessary.

- Tanner Fitzgerald

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