Writing from Unreality House, a hyperfiction project created and edited by Jay Gabler.

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I’m Not Presumptuous Enough to Call Myself an Addict

Drinking: I drink every day. Usually at some point during the course of each day I get fairly drunk. But last week we ran out of booze and I was too lazy to get more for, like, two days. Wouldn’t an alcoholic have made that a priority?

Smoking: I can put ‘em away pretty fast when I have ‘em, but I smoked a lot less before I moved into a house where I can smoke. Now I’ll wake up at night and have a cigarette, but would I if having one required getting out of bed and going outside? Probably not.

Drugs: I was on Percocet all the time before the cops started staking us out. It was fucking great, and I fully intend to go right back to it after I get out of this place alive.

Exercise: Strictly to keep from getting bored/fat.

Sex: If I can reasonably have it, I do. I’m not too picky about with whom I have it, but I’m a pretty good-looking guy, so usually my options are good. I’ve been having sex in town once every day or two and jerking off once or twice more every day, which I wouldn’t have to do if Lucy still had pissing somebody else off as a motive for fucking me.

- Tanner Fitzgerald

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